I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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