Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
