Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
