She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
