Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
