apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
