Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
