you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
