Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
