yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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