Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
