cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just want nice things and good sex
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
