So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
