I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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