I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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