You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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