Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
