People with herpes should wear stickers.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
