A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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