You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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