Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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