dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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