Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
