you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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