dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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