My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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