Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
