there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
