Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
PANTIES FOUND
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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