yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
