Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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