i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
