dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
