I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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