You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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