I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
