Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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