my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is the high leading the old right now
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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