its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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