its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
