Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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