Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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