This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
