did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
