I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
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Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
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What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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