I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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