I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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