i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
