Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
