I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize