I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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