did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
