It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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