honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
