I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
