i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
this beer tastes like vomit already
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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