You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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