Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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