Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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