i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
