Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
