I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
