my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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