Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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