making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
