This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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