I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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