i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
