She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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