he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
