I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
