Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
