dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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