Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
