if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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