how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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