I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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