Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
