I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
