Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
