it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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