do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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