i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
