this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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