Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
