I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
