Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
