While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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