Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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